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Red Box​!​!​!​!​!

by Pirates R Us

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1.
Let's take a shot Tip back a glass And raise up a stein Drink until we fall on our ass Get a drunk in public fine Drinking in the alley Puritan laws forbade Here comes the constabulary In an unmarked Escalade They said pour all your beers out You hoodlum pirate gang And three days before he turned 21 They ticketed David Zhang My friends were reading poetry in the basement I thought it sounded like a mighty good time So I threw a shot glass in my backpack With a bottle of Sauza and a lime The neighbors heard the noise and called the po-po "These poets are out of hand, and I'm trying to sleep here!" So the cops cleaned out my buddies with a ticket And the judge dined on lobster for a year Puff, the magic dragon Lived by the sea And frolicked in the autumn mist In a land called Honah Lee Little Jackie Paper Loved that rascal Puff He's strong 'til the finish Cuz he eats his spinach He's Popeye the sailor muff
2.
Sam Walton's Blues (free) 04:07
No matter how much I plunder and I loot I'll never make as much As a monkey in a suit Even with my crew Of jolly, schwilly mates I'll never pull a scam Like when Enron raised the rates So if you see someone With a briefcase and a tie Don't expect an answer If you want more than a lie And if you think we're wrong For bein' who we be Then look into the mansions And not into the sea Let the streets run red with the blood of the rich We'll drag you from your limo Leave you dead in a ditch Went down to the Peg Leg Pub For a pint Sat down at the bar And I drank into the night A drunken CEO Comes and pulls up a stool Says "I see you're a pirate And I think you're a fool! I can steal millions With just a laptop While you're stuck on your ship Swabbin' decks with a mop" And then he spilled my grog And it caused quite a fuss So I blew him away With my trusty blunderbuss Let the streets run red with the blood of the rich We'll drag you from your Hummer Leave you dead in a ditch We're sailing the Potomac To Washington DC Presenting our demands For buccaneer equality If negotiations fail We'll draw our bloody swords We'll slaughter, and we'll plunder And we'll take our just rewards Let the streets run red with the blood of the rich We'll gather all your poodles Leave them dead in a ditch Let the streets run red with the blood of the rich I'd rather be a pirate Than a snooty corporate bitch
3.
Dictator Dick (Part 1) (free) 02:31
Dictator Dick On his dictator ship Sits in his quarters And counts up his quarters Batten the hatches! His ship is in sight! We're going to sink That fucker tonight! Dictator Dick On his dictator ship Sat in his crow's nest And hatched his foul scheme Fired a cannon At his own castle We heard on the news It was some other asshole Dictator Dick On his dictator ship Sits in his quarters With Cabin Boy George USS Halliburton's The name of his rig We'll fuck that shit up And then get down and jig
4.
You're the cleverest bro that you know Huckin' beer cans out the window At every maybe-female passerby you see But don't throw that shit at me, sir Or you might just find your keister Laid out flat on the sidewalk Or the bottom of the sea Hey now move out of my way You car of drunken fucks Fiercely I'll defend the frontiers Of this crosswalk Hey now move out of my way Cuz there's a bar across the street And a dumbass makes a pirate Want a whiskey on the rocks All I wanna do is drink my drink But a passing glance makes you think That you'd like me more With your hands upon my hips Well I might not get another bourbon here If I pin your balls to the wall With the point of my spear But you chose to meddle With the wrong Pirate And Davey Jones' Locker Is custom fit Hey move out of my way All you drunken fucks Grab my ass And I will slit your goddamn throat Hey don't look so upset You'll deserve just what you you'll get There's a few rules Every modern pirate knows And I'm the wrong pirate to fuck with!!! Got some friends who'd like to meet you They're the barnacles that greet you When your body is dragged Across this good this good ship's keel Keep your hands in your pockets If you want your eyes in their sockets This is not the kind of booty you can steal Motherfucker!
5.
Pirates grow few Over the years Spaghetti monster Is shedding tears His wrath doth descend Every morning Turns up the global warming La la la la... Spaghetti, Spaghetti We sing our praises to thee! Pull up the anchor Raise the sails and we're off! Guide the ship slow and steady For heaven Is a checkerboard tablecloth In the sky - we can fly With Spaghetti! So praise be to thee Oh noodly master May we reach the Beer volcano faster We'll kneel down And pray to thee In your stripper factory Repent all ye sinners Ye women and men Dress like a pirate And say "Ramen!" He'll reach down from heaven With noodly ease Anoint you with Parmesan cheese
6.
Kotzebue Tango (free) 02:09
Sailing the artic sea Lads disappear But not in the way That you and I fear The kidnapper comes On nights such as this And goes by the name of Aurora Borealis So if you see them Purse your lips As you clench all ten Of your fingertips For if they don’t hear you Whistling a tune They’ll drag you screaming to the moon But they take only your soul And what’s left behind Will be dumped and float ashore To the old lead mine With pick in hand Your hollow shell Will be doomed to dig up ore In eternal hell Sailing the arctic sea The lads have found There’s very little in the way Of pleasant sound So we made up this story With that in mind To try to scare off sailors Who aren’t musically inclined
7.
The Squid King (free) 03:57
There’s something out there - with it’s ugly teeth bared Waiting to take you down 71 and a half leagues deep Under the waves the monster sleeps And when you’ve lost your way Before the light of day The angry waves are foaming Suddenly – you hear a creak The ship starts to shake, and somebody screams It’s the Squid King Strait from hell He’s got no garden for show and tell It’s the Squid King With his one giant eye One of us will have to die He swings his arms around – until he’s found Something to fill his belly Squid picked first mate Ivan up And ate him – like a cheesy puff Better drop your fears – take out your spears We’ll have the squid king’s head This will be his reckoning day We’ll string his noggin – we’ll make him pay!
8.
Drunken Pirate (free) 02:38
I’ve got my grog I’ve got my stein I’ve got my whiskey Got my wine I’ve got my rum I’ve got my flask Got my beer Inside my cask Gettin' wasted with me mates Drinkin’ liquor by the crate I stumble home and drink some more And login on a message board I’m a drunken pirate Type shit, and don’t revise it I’m a drunken pirate now Some guy is spewin’ tripe And I can hardly type I’m a drunken pirate now I’ve got my brandy Got my Sparks It’s 3am I’m in the dark There’s not much more That I can Schwill I’ve got my fix I’ve had my fill Someone on here’s talkin’ smack I launch my counter attack Potty language Lots of "ARRRR!!!"s You don’t fuck with A drunk swashbuckler!!! I’m a drunken pirate Start shit? Don’t even try it I’m a drunken pirate now You’ve got an attitude And I think you’re bein’ rude I’m a drunken pirate now
9.
Viper (free) 01:34
10.
Dictator Dick (Part 2) (free) 02:50
Dictator Dick On his dictator ship Sits in his quarters And counts up his quarters Batten the hatches! His ship is in sight! We're going to sink That fucker tonight! Dictator Dick On his dictator ship Sits in his quarters With Cabin Boy George Sucking the dick Of Dictator Dick Our cannon goes off George is in shock His jaw clamps down It makes Dick frown The cannonball lands It lands on Dick's head It makes George frown Cuz now Dick is dead We go aboard The ship is ablaze We steal all the quarters But the kiddie porn stays We get off the ship It's still on fire It starts to sink The water puts it out We set it on fire again And then we sail away We go back to land We get our submarine And go down to the depths We see Dick's ship sinking And we fire a torpedo at it!!!
11.

about

The second album by Pirates R Us

credits

released July 16, 2008

Recorded and engineered by David Stray Ney, Sean Brandenberg, and Evan Williamson at Murder Mountain

Mixed by Wes Davis, Kat Bula, and Evan Williamson at Murder Mountain

Mastered by Paul Turpin at Bayside

Artwork by David Stray Ney

Players:

David Stray Ney: Vocals, Guitar
Wes "Peaches" Davis: Vocals, Guitar, Piano, Strange Circuit-Bent Electric Horn Thingy
Kat "the Unsinkable" Bula: Vocals, Fiddle, Viola, Pennywhistle, Guitar
Evan "Squeezebox" Bridges: Accordion, Vocals
Robert "Goldtooth" Ray: Vocals, Upright Bass, Piano
Christopher "Maceo" Stainback: Percussion
"Carob" Ian Cairns: Trumpet, Vocals
Tyler "Insert Nickname Here" Clark: Clarinet

The Songs:

Lobster Manor (Sorry About the Tickets!)
Dedicated to Graham Isaac, Jake Tucker, and Ryler Dustin
Written by David Ney and Kat Bula
Sung by David Ney and Kat Bula

Sam Walton's Blues
Written by David Ney, Robert Weale, Kat Bula, Evan Bridges, and Wes Davis
Sung by David Ney

Dictator Dick (Part 1)
Written by David Ney and Kat Bula
Sung by David Ney

Valerie Solanas Was a Pirate Too
Written by Kat Bula
Sung by Kat Bula

Touched By His Noodly Appendage
Written by David Ney and Ivan Owen
Sung by David Ney

Kotzebue Tango
Written by Ivan Owen, reworked by Pirates R Us
Sung by Wes Davis

The Squid King
Written by David Zhang
Sung by David Ney

Drunken Pirate
Written by David Ney
Sung by David Ney

Viper
Written by Fats Waller
Sung by Robert Weale

Dictator Dick (Part 2)
Written by David Ney and Kat Bula
Sung by David Ney

The Last Time I Went To the Mall
Written by Kat Bula
Sung by Madison "Will Fucking End You" Lewis III

Chim Chim Cheree
Written by Richard M. Sherman and Robert B. Sherman. Reworked by Wes Davis
Sung by Wes Davis

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