|
1. |
|
|
|
|
Let's take a shot
Tip back a glass
And raise up a stein
Drink until we fall on our ass
Get a drunk in public fine
Drinking in the alley
Puritan laws forbade
Here comes the constabulary
In an unmarked Escalade
They said pour all your beers out
You hoodlum pirate gang
And three days before he turned 21
They ticketed David Zhang
My friends were reading poetry in the basement
I thought it sounded like a mighty good time
So I threw a shot glass in my backpack
With a bottle of Sauza and a lime
The neighbors heard the noise and called the po-po
"These poets are out of hand, and I'm trying to sleep here!"
So the cops cleaned out my buddies with a ticket
And the judge dined on lobster for a year
Puff, the magic dragon
Lived by the sea
And frolicked in the autumn mist
In a land called Honah Lee
Little Jackie Paper
Loved that rascal Puff
He's strong 'til the finish
Cuz he eats his spinach
He's Popeye the sailor muff
|
|
2. |
|
|
|
|
No matter how much
I plunder and I loot
I'll never make as much
As a monkey in a suit
Even with my crew
Of jolly, schwilly mates
I'll never pull a scam
Like when Enron raised the rates
So if you see someone
With a briefcase and a tie
Don't expect an answer
If you want more than a lie
And if you think we're wrong
For bein' who we be
Then look into the mansions
And not into the sea
Let the streets run red with the blood of the rich
We'll drag you from your limo
Leave you dead in a ditch
Went down to the Peg Leg Pub
For a pint
Sat down at the bar
And I drank into the night
A drunken CEO
Comes and pulls up a stool
Says "I see you're a pirate
And I think you're a fool!
I can steal millions
With just a laptop
While you're stuck on your ship
Swabbin' decks with a mop"
And then he spilled my grog
And it caused quite a fuss
So I blew him away
With my trusty blunderbuss
Let the streets run red with the blood of the rich
We'll drag you from your Hummer
Leave you dead in a ditch
We're sailing the Potomac
To Washington DC
Presenting our demands
For buccaneer equality
If negotiations fail
We'll draw our bloody swords
We'll slaughter, and we'll plunder
And we'll take our just rewards
Let the streets run red with the blood of the rich
We'll gather all your poodles
Leave them dead in a ditch
Let the streets run red with the blood of the rich
I'd rather be a pirate
Than a snooty corporate bitch
|
|
3. |
|
|
|
|
Dictator Dick
On his dictator ship
Sits in his quarters
And counts up his quarters
Batten the hatches!
His ship is in sight!
We're going to sink
That fucker tonight!
Dictator Dick
On his dictator ship
Sat in his crow's nest
And hatched his foul scheme
Fired a cannon
At his own castle
We heard on the news
It was some other asshole
Dictator Dick
On his dictator ship
Sits in his quarters
With Cabin Boy George
USS Halliburton's
The name of his rig
We'll fuck that shit up
And then get down and jig
|
|
4. |
|
|
|
|
You're the cleverest bro that you know
Huckin' beer cans out the window
At every maybe-female passerby you see
But don't throw that shit at me, sir
Or you might just find your keister
Laid out flat on the sidewalk
Or the bottom of the sea
Hey now move out of my way
You car of drunken fucks
Fiercely I'll defend the frontiers
Of this crosswalk
Hey now move out of my way
Cuz there's a bar across the street
And a dumbass makes a pirate
Want a whiskey on the rocks
All I wanna do is drink my drink
But a passing glance makes you think
That you'd like me more
With your hands upon my hips
Well I might not get another bourbon here
If I pin your balls to the wall
With the point of my spear
But you chose to meddle
With the wrong Pirate
And Davey Jones' Locker
Is custom fit
Hey move out of my way
All you drunken fucks
Grab my ass
And I will slit your goddamn throat
Hey don't look so upset
You'll deserve just what you you'll get
There's a few rules
Every modern pirate knows
And I'm the wrong pirate to fuck with!!!
Got some friends who'd like to meet you
They're the barnacles that greet you
When your body is dragged
Across this good this good ship's keel
Keep your hands in your pockets
If you want your eyes in their sockets
This is not the kind of booty you can steal
Motherfucker!
|
|
5. |
|
|
|
|
Pirates grow few
Over the years
Spaghetti monster
Is shedding tears
His wrath doth descend
Every morning
Turns up the global warming
La la la la...
Spaghetti, Spaghetti
We sing our praises to thee!
Pull up the anchor
Raise the sails and we're off!
Guide the ship slow and steady
For heaven
Is a checkerboard tablecloth
In the sky - we can fly
With Spaghetti!
So praise be to thee
Oh noodly master
May we reach the
Beer volcano faster
We'll kneel down
And pray to thee
In your stripper factory
Repent all ye sinners
Ye women and men
Dress like a pirate
And say "Ramen!"
He'll reach down from heaven
With noodly ease
Anoint you with
Parmesan cheese
|
|
6. |
|
|
|
|
Sailing the artic sea
Lads disappear
But not in the way
That you and I fear
The kidnapper comes
On nights such as this
And goes by the name of
Aurora Borealis
So if you see them
Purse your lips
As you clench all ten
Of your fingertips
For if they don’t hear you
Whistling a tune
They’ll drag you screaming to the moon
But they take only your soul
And what’s left behind
Will be dumped and float ashore
To the old lead mine
With pick in hand
Your hollow shell
Will be doomed to dig up ore
In eternal hell
Sailing the arctic sea
The lads have found
There’s very little in the way
Of pleasant sound
So we made up this story
With that in mind
To try to scare off sailors
Who aren’t musically inclined
|
|
7. |
|
|
|
|
There’s something out there - with it’s ugly teeth bared
Waiting to take you down
71 and a half leagues deep
Under the waves the monster sleeps
And when you’ve lost your way
Before the light of day
The angry waves are foaming
Suddenly – you hear a creak
The ship starts to shake, and somebody screams
It’s the Squid King
Strait from hell
He’s got no garden for show and tell
It’s the Squid King
With his one giant eye
One of us will have to die
He swings his arms around – until he’s found
Something to fill his belly
Squid picked first mate Ivan up
And ate him – like a cheesy puff
Better drop your fears – take out your spears
We’ll have the squid king’s head
This will be his reckoning day
We’ll string his noggin – we’ll make him pay!
|
|
8. |
|
|
|
|
I’ve got my grog
I’ve got my stein
I’ve got my whiskey
Got my wine
I’ve got my rum
I’ve got my flask
Got my beer
Inside my cask
Gettin' wasted with me mates
Drinkin’ liquor by the crate
I stumble home and drink some more
And login on a message board
I’m a drunken pirate
Type shit, and don’t revise it
I’m a drunken pirate now
Some guy is spewin’ tripe
And I can hardly type
I’m a drunken pirate now
I’ve got my brandy
Got my Sparks
It’s 3am
I’m in the dark
There’s not much more
That I can Schwill
I’ve got my fix
I’ve had my fill
Someone on here’s talkin’ smack
I launch my counter attack
Potty language
Lots of "ARRRR!!!"s
You don’t fuck with
A drunk swashbuckler!!!
I’m a drunken pirate
Start shit? Don’t even try it
I’m a drunken pirate now
You’ve got an attitude
And I think you’re bein’ rude
I’m a drunken pirate now
|
|
9. |
|
|
|
|
10. |
|
|
|
|
Dictator Dick
On his dictator ship
Sits in his quarters
And counts up his quarters
Batten the hatches!
His ship is in sight!
We're going to sink
That fucker tonight!
Dictator Dick
On his dictator ship
Sits in his quarters
With Cabin Boy George
Sucking the dick
Of Dictator Dick
Our cannon goes off
George is in shock
His jaw clamps down
It makes Dick frown
The cannonball lands
It lands on Dick's head
It makes George frown
Cuz now Dick is dead
We go aboard
The ship is ablaze
We steal all the quarters
But the kiddie porn stays
We get off the ship
It's still on fire
It starts to sink
The water puts it out
We set it on fire again
And then we sail away
We go back to land
We get our submarine
And go down to the depths
We see Dick's ship sinking
And we fire a torpedo at it!!!
|
|
11. |
|
|
|